My new halfway house, sucks!

I don't like being here. I don't like all the 1/2 dead old people everywhere. I don't like Devins nurse today. And I really don't like that Devin is still sleeping! I have been able to have a smile on my face and power through all of this staying positive and looking forward, not backwards. Tonight is the first time I felt despair and frustration. I know everything is fine, but I worked myself up ALL day thinking about how excited I was that they were waking Devin up at 4:00. I know he was going to hate it, and I'm sure would much rather be asleep. I guess it's my one selfish thing in all of this. I hate that he looks like he is dead and I want him to open his eyes and understand what is going on, and be able to squeeze my hand! 4:00 came and the nurse said it would be 4:30; at 4:15 Devin opened his eyes. For about 45 seconds he just looked back and forth between the nurse and myself........Then it started. The pain, the terrible excruciating pain. His eyes got wide with fear and terror trying to understand why he felt this way. I TOLD the nurse to give him some more pain meds so when he woke up it wouldn't be as bad, I TOLD her!!!! No one listens to me! Don't I know and understand him better than anyone? I HATE when dr's and nurses act like its no big deal because they do it everyday AND by the way I would LOVE to know when was the last time they were cut open and had a 4 hour surgery!!! I tried as hard as possible to talk to him calmly, keep him looking at me and trying to convince him to stay calm. Nothing was working and the Respiratory team and the nurse were just watching as he struggled to breathe, tears streaming from his eyes. The nurse actually had the audacity to say "Devin, are you in pain?" WHAT! REALLY? I wanted to hit her....I had been telling her give him something he is serious pain!! UGH! His heart rate continued to climb and his breathes became shorter and shorter. They kicked us out and told us to go to the waiting room and they would come get us. I was sitting in the waiting room thinking "This is stupid! How is it that I am his wife and they can make me leave? I am the only person who is bringing him any sort of reality or comfort!" I had my head in my hands thinking how sad I was and how defeated I felt....then I saw these cute shoes in front of me. MOM!!! It was exactly what I needed at that moment! She hugged me and took me for a walk. I told her how upset I was that no one would listen to me, how the nurse wasn't even putting gloves on when she touched him and how mad I was that I had to leave. She said, were going back in and finding the person in charge. So we marched back in. It had only been 15 min since they kicked us out and when we walked up to his room he was lying there asleep and no one was around. Exactly! I knew they didn't care to come get us! So we stayed with him for a while, talked to the head nurse (which was a waste of time!) who actually chuckled at me when I asked if they could please not try waking him in the morning until I was there @ 8:30 (visiting hours shouldn't apply to the spouse....just my opinion!) Can you believe he actually snickered at me? Was that really too much to ask? He looked at me like "you stupid, silly girl" Oh, so help me, if I show up in the morning and they woke him up!!!! So here I sit, typing on this stupid thing instead of holding my husbands hand.....and him actually squeezing back. Tomorrow will be better, it will.